So one day I started thinking about fate – that crazy concept we seem to have no control over; that we are not really responsible for the direction our lives take. That it’s all written in the stars. “Every kiss, every heartache pre-ordered from the cosmic catalogue of experiences” as Carrie Bradshaw once said. But can we make a mistake and change our fate?
Take Husband 1 for example. He left when Son 1 was nearly 3 and after many, apparently awesome, girlfriends of varying ages and boob size, he wound up with a very sensible female who, to her credit, managed to keep him under control. Their relationship from all reports was all about control – hers over him. Their first child together was the result of “you can’t leave me” but they went on to have many more children. Her control over him extended to when, and if, he could even see or contact his friends and family. She was a strong mindful woman but one who “needed” looking after.
In what seems like a weird sci-fi parallel universe situation, Son 1 is in a similar scenario. He has dated many girls over the years – from blond bimbos to bisexual uni students to older women with children with psycho ex-boyfriends – but none of them have ever stayed the distance. Whatever the reasons for the breakup, he has always looked upon the relationships in a positive light and moved on. This time to a girl younger (that’s unusual to start) but one who obviously is extremely capable and independent with a strong sense of what she wants in a boyfriend. Like the ex-hubby’s wife, she has managed to get Son 1 moving out of the debt trap he was quickly heading down and pushed him into a life of responsibility and commitment (not such a bad thing). She is a sensible strong wilful girl who “needs” looking after.
And this is where I have a problem – yes I do.
Why is it necessary to ‘control’ your guy by being seemingly helpless – when it’s obvious you are not?
And why, do these men fall into that trap?
My only thought is that it comes back to self-esteem. Perhaps these women lack the confidence in their own strength and maybe these men need to feel necessary to feel worthy. Acting helpless and in need of rescue does not make a happy relationship for either party in the long term.
Or maybe this is just what is supposed to happen – our fate.
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. After all, they are what shape our lives. Without them, if we had never veered off course, we would never have fallen in love, and out, had a baby, or become the person we are today. People come into our lives and people leave in what seems sometimes to be part of a giant unknown universal play, but it is comforting that the people you love are always in your heart.